I’d like to introduce you to Christal Presley, (pictured here) whose blog
“Thirty Days With My Father” is a searing, personal record of her journey, with her father, back from trauma and grief. “Thirty Days…” is getting a lot of recognition, and I’m proud to share the link with my readers.
In her blog, Christal says, I
have never been a soldier, but my whole life, I have been fighting a silent war. I am ready to start talking now.1. What made you decide to start the United Children of Veterans site?
In 2006, my doctor acknowledged that I may be experiencing symptoms of generational Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). My father is a Vietnam veteran who also has PTSD. When I was a young girl, he was declared 100% disabled because of this, so emotionally traumatized that he was unable to work. The trauma that he experienced caused him to be depressed, anxious, agitated, and violent. When in public, he was always on high alert, always watching his perimeter. In our house, he locked himself in his room with only his guitar for company, and did not come out for Christmases or birthdays.
This affected me a great deal as a child--and as an adult. I became my father, experienced almost every symptom that he did, including night sweats and flashbacks. I gravitated between fits of rage and depression, was always over-stimulated by my surroundings, locked myself in my room to read and write. I knew I was different from other children--and other adults. Building relationships, particularly with men, has always been a challenge for me.
2. What is generational PTSD?
Generational PTSD is when trauma is passed down through generations. I have since learned that Generational PTSD is not an official diagnosis, and one that is controversial in the field of medicine. My father experienced trauma because of the Vietnam War; I experienced trauma because of my father's symptoms. In 2006, when I first tried to find resources on what I supposedly had, there was little available. I had the idea to start a website back then, but never did anything about it. I was afraid. If I started a website about generational PTSD, people would wonder why. I would expose myself, along with my family. At the time, I still blamed my father. I didn’t realize that he couldn't help what had happened, that he locked himself in his room to protect me. I thought it was because he didn't love me.
I mustered up the courage to start United Children of Veterans because I was tired of hiding the truth. I figured it would either set me free or it would kill me, and I was willing to take that risk. I wanted to reach out and discover if there was anyone else out there like me, and provide a place for others to turn--if there were, in fact, others.
3. How did the blog "Thirty Days With My Father" come about?
"Thirty Days with My Father" was never supposed to be a part of the original blog. I had intended to provide a place for children of veterans to go for support and resources. I longed to tell my story, but I wasn't sure I was brave enough. Designing the site, I realized it was impersonal. I kept brainstorming how I could make the site more personal, and those ideas always led back to the same place: talking to my father. For 31 years, I had longed to, but had given up. I'd tried to talk to him for so long, to make peace with the situation my whole life, but had been unsuccessful. He was not receptive, and to be perfectly honest, neither was I. I'd pretend to be, but I wasn't. I know he sensed that.
I had this idea that I would ask my mother to ask my father (for he and I rarely spoke directly) if he would allow me to call every day for thirty days and try to get to know him. I wanted to ask him questions about the war, about his childhood, about who he was.
I knew he wouldn't say yes.
My mother asked. He said yes.
I thought, Oh my God. What am I going to do now? I have to do this project.
That's how "Thirty Days with My Father" started. It's become the most important part of the blog now.
4. This is a remarkably personal, sometimes wrenching read in a very public
forum. What kind of response have you gotten to your honesty, and how do you
feel, as a writer, about openly discussing grief and its effects on you and
those around you?
I have been overwhelmed and humbled by the responses I've received. I have not received one negative comment yet. I was afraid of that in the beginning. Telling the truth can bring up a lot of emotions in people. I didn't know what it would bring up in me, and I didn't know what it would bring up in others, particularly my family. I've been pleasantly surprised. More than anything, finally acknowledging my truth has been a relief for me and for my family, and especially for my mother.
I have always used writing as a way to explore my psyche, and to reflect upon all that is going on in my world. The only difference is that I'm showing it to the world now. Before, I'd throw away reflections like these. Being able to openly acknowledge my grief and its effects has given me strength.
5. How many people, do you estimate, are "survivors" of Vietnam in the way
that you identify yourself as one?
I am not an expert on war, but Vietnam seems different from other modern wars. From the soldiers I have spoken to, the books I have read, and the conversations I've had with my father, I know that the Vietnam veterans were not welcomed back. There was no reintegration back into society. They were called "baby killers.” Their souls were injured to the core because of this. It would have been hard to come back from Vietnam and not be deeply affected by this. There must be hundreds of thousands of children--maybe millions-- out there who are survivors of Vietnam in the same way that I am. It is these children--now adults--that I think about as I write my truth. I do not know them, but they give me strength.
6. Can you recommend resources for survivors of Vietnam and their families?
The resources that have been especially helpful to me are Edward Tick's book War and the Soul, the organization
Veterans and Military Families for Progress , the website
Veterans' Children, and the organizations Soldier's Heart
and Veteran's Heart
Georgia . I have also loved reading and looking at the pictures of Katrina's journey to Vietnam:
Katrina is a child of a Vietnam Veteran who I met through Veteran's Heart Georgia. She just got back from the same kind of healing journey in Vietnam that I'll be going on with Soldier's Heart in March of 2010.
7. Tell us about your goals for your 2010 trip to Washington, and how that
trip came about.
I'm not sure if I'll be physically going to Washington in 2010, but Tom Howe, President of Veterans and Military Families for Progress, has asked me to work with him to revise an action plan for veterans and families of veterans. He hopes to present this plan to the White House in 2010. I don't know exactly what that will look like yet, but Tom thinks my story is an important piece of the puzzle because it deals with an issue that is virtually unknown: generational PTSD in children of war veterans. So many people have pieces of this puzzle--and there are so many pieces. We need everyone's help.
8. You'll be going to Vietnam in 2010 as well. What are your goals for that trip?
I want to go to Vietnam to see the country where my father injured his soul. When I think of Vietnam, I think of war. Dead bodies. Men with guns. Every village a ticking time bomb. I need to see Vietnam as a country, and not as a war.
9. Will you be blogging?
Of course. Every chance I get, I'll be blogging. I love it. I am enjoying social media. We don't have to wait until a year or two later for books to be published to read about people's experiences. We can read about them in real time now!
10. What is one thing you'd like PTSD survivors, veterans or their families,to know?
Tell your stories. Acknowledge them. Acknowledge each other. This is so important, so validating. You are not alone. People care. They want to hear.
11. What else would you like to tell us about United Children of Veterans, and "Thirty Days with My Father"?
First, thanks to everyone for the outpouring of support. You are helping me to heal. Please thank all the veterans in your lives who have served our country.
Second, though mine is a blog that concentrates on generational PTSD of children of war veterans, there are many ways to get generational PTSD. If any parent, family member, or even someone to whom we are very close, goes through a severe trauma, that trauma can be passed from generation to generation. One of the only ways to break that cycle is to provide a safe place for our loved ones to talk, to ask them to share their experiences, and to speak our truths as we allow them to do so as well.
Bio: Christal is an “external intern” at Algonquin Books. She has a B.A. and M.Ed from Virginia Tech, and a Ph.D from Capella University. She’s a teachers’ mentor with Atlanta Public Schools, and has been a middle school English teacher in Virginia, which is her home state. (Although now she lives in Atlanta. As a matter of fact, she lives three houses away from me!) This interview has been edited. Photo of Christal and her father courtesy of C. Presley.
